Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
