Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
