I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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