I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize