Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
