They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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