Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
