guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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