Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Randomize
