How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
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