last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
