There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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