Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
