its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
When did angry sex become our thing?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
