You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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