Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
