I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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