wanna go halves on a baby?
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
It's never too late to be topless.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Randomize
