yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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