We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
