It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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