She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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