I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize
