A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
