Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Randomize
