I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
