Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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