she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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