You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
