Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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