at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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