just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i love accidental penises.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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