Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
