You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize
