just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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