We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
