You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
