Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
