There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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