I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
