her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
