DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
