Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
