do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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