Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
