i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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