You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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