so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize