You work out of a Hotel?
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
