Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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