watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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