i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
