So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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