lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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