im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize
