Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Randomize