Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
