why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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