i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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