dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
