i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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