You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
