Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
