Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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