Ambien. No doubt about it.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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