Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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