Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
