Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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