420 ftw
I'm drive I can fine osifer
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
