Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
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