Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
