i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
