Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
