Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
