No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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