i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
