I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
