We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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